The Feral Mogwai

Welcome to Lago

You make children cry

We hear them everyday. Sometimes, they reminded us of times that
were more comforting, like farting under a fleece blanket on a cold
winters morning. But sometimes… Just sometimes…
They make you want to kill the first living thing you see.
Yes, I’m talking about those songs you’ve heard one too many times.
They were once singles, then hits, then classics, and now are just
a skid mark on the radio industries underwear that wont wash off.

Lynyrd Skynyrd – Sweet Home Alabama

Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against Skynyrd. In there time Skynyrd played an
integral role in southern-rock, and even managed to influence a bunch of other
rednecks “to pyick up da Geetar an ROCK!” But how many times have you heard
this fucking song? 200 times? 300 times? 14,000 times!?!? I never want to hear this
song again. It’s awful. Does anybody know the fucking words to “Gimme Back My bullet”
or any other GOOD Skynard song? Fuck this song.

Don McLean – American Pie

I want to make the most monotonous song ever. I want
it to be boring as fuck, and I want it to be roughly 15 minutes long.
Nothing less than 15 minutes would suffice. Whats that?
Someone’s already done that? Well fuck me standing.
This song Is FUCKING AWFUL. It lasts a fucking centuary
and every time you think its going to end, it just
starts right back up again. Its a poppy-ass-folk-fuck
purgatory. I could spend a life time talking about this
piece of shit but its just going to give me a headache.

Journey – Don’t Stop Beleivin’

When you’re relaxing in a bar and this song comes on
you know you’re fucked. Bad things are going happen all
around you and there’s nothing you can do to prevent it.
I want to kill the asshole who plays this song.

Honorable mentions:

Elton John – Benny and the Jets
Led Zeppelin – Rock and Roll
Bob Seger – Anything this fucking asshole has ever made
Pink Floyd – Us and Them
Jimi Hendrix – Purple Haze

To be continued…

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